fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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