Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."

(817): View more from Texas

I was drunk but it's true

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?

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(903): View more from Texas

True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"

(414): View more from Wisconsin

I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea

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(815): View more from Illinois

We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.

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(613): View more from Ontario

it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies

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