I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
