i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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