The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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