Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was like eating out sand paper
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
