She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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