Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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