Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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