i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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