you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
