"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
