I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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