Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I fill condoms, not promises.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
