you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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