I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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