Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
