it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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