So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
