eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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