I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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