We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
