I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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