you guys were way drunker than both of me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
