He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
