We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
