She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
