You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
