you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
