It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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