how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
