Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
