my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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