The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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