i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
