I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
