The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
