I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
