There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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