So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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