Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
