How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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