When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
