I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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