I hate your face
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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