I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
