I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
