I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
