He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
