I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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