I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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