i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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